The week of lasts
Jul. 20th, 2008 02:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reppuInevitably, when you're about to make a big change in your life, things come down to "the lasts." I think, as humans, we need to be able to pick out a turning point in our lives, else our inspiration for doing anything slowly wanes. This morning, I realized that today is my last Sunday in America. My Sunday mornings are always the same: I wake up sometime after nine, turn on the radio and listen to the Quiet Music radio program, lounge around until it's over at 11am, listen to the Gospel show until it's over at 12pm, and then check my e-mail. I have a no yaoi before 12pm rule on Sundays so I can get my church in, and because of this, I've come up with a rhythm for Sunday mornings.
A part of me felt very sad that I will no longer be able to do this, at least not in the same way. In my house and in my dorm, my window is always on the right side of the room, and I sleep on my right side, so the sun pours in while I relax the morning away with soothing music. It's what calms me and gives me the strength to go on for another week. Somehow, I'll have to create another routine in Japan to do the same.
Thinking of that, and realizing this will be a week of "lasts," I sometimes have to fight back tears. This house I'm living in...I've lived here for my whole life, all 21 years, but there is a distinct possibility that it won't be here next time I come back to America. I certainly don't expect that I'll ever live here again. My dog is getting old, and I'm hoping she won't forget me while I'm gone. There's the life I have here, the friends I have here...I have to pack up and say goodbye to all of that. It's not the fact that I'm leaving that gets to me, it's the fact that I have to say goodbye. Once I'm on that plane and settled down, once I'm in my new apartment, in my new school, I'm fine, but saying goodbye is the most difficult part of leaving.
That said, today is my goodbye party! I have a number of things to take care of this week, and my flight leaves at 9:10am on Saturday, so this is the best day for a gathering. I'm expecting a lot of family and friends to come out, so it looks like I can get all my goodbyes and tears out of the way at one time. Good for me? ^^;;
A part of me felt very sad that I will no longer be able to do this, at least not in the same way. In my house and in my dorm, my window is always on the right side of the room, and I sleep on my right side, so the sun pours in while I relax the morning away with soothing music. It's what calms me and gives me the strength to go on for another week. Somehow, I'll have to create another routine in Japan to do the same.
Thinking of that, and realizing this will be a week of "lasts," I sometimes have to fight back tears. This house I'm living in...I've lived here for my whole life, all 21 years, but there is a distinct possibility that it won't be here next time I come back to America. I certainly don't expect that I'll ever live here again. My dog is getting old, and I'm hoping she won't forget me while I'm gone. There's the life I have here, the friends I have here...I have to pack up and say goodbye to all of that. It's not the fact that I'm leaving that gets to me, it's the fact that I have to say goodbye. Once I'm on that plane and settled down, once I'm in my new apartment, in my new school, I'm fine, but saying goodbye is the most difficult part of leaving.
That said, today is my goodbye party! I have a number of things to take care of this week, and my flight leaves at 9:10am on Saturday, so this is the best day for a gathering. I'm expecting a lot of family and friends to come out, so it looks like I can get all my goodbyes and tears out of the way at one time. Good for me? ^^;;
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no subject
Date: 2008-07-21 03:20 am (UTC)Don't get discouraged. I am highly nervous about moving away from my family -- although we've moved around a lot I never lived too far away from them, and here I am moving nearly 900 miles away from them. I've been channeling most of my frustration into this apartment search, but I think we might have found something at this point so I'm a little bit happier and a little bit more nervous.
But just know that you WILL settle into a routine in Japan, like you said -- it'll just be different. And lol on your parents moving! They have an empty nest now! I can't imagine what it feels like to live in one place your whole life.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-21 04:47 am (UTC)I'm gonna miss you like crazy. I wish you could come to my wedding. Maybe I'll put my computer in the front row and turn on Skype video chat so everyone I want to be there can watch from wherever they happen to be.